Posted on January 13, 2026 by jhcadm
A Guide to Helping Children Deal with Loss and Grief
Losing a loved one is a deeply emotional experience, and for children, it can be especially challenging to understand and express feelings of grief. Unlike adults, children may not have the tools or language to process loss, and they often rely on the guidance of trusted adults to navigate these difficult emotions. At James H. Cole, we’ve spent more than 100 years helping families in Detroit navigate the complexities of grief, and we believe education and compassion are among the most powerful tools for healing—especially when children are involved.
Understanding Children’s Grief
Children experience grief differently depending on their age, personality, and relationship with the deceased. Unlike adults, their process can often be inconsistent, alternating between sadness and normal play routines. It’s essential to give children space to grieve in their own way and acknowledge the emotions they’re feeling.
Loss carries different meanings for children at various developmental stages:
- Young Children (Infants to Age 5): Often don’t fully understand the permanence of death and may ask repetitive questions about the deceased.
- School-Age Children (Ages 6-11): Begin to comprehend the finality of death but may experience confusion or fear.
- Teens (Ages 12+): Have a more adult-like understanding of loss but may struggle to express their grief openly or productively.
Practical Ways to Support Children
1. Create Space to Honor the Loved One
One way for children to process grief is through meaningful rituals and tributes. The James H. Cole emphasizes that rituals can provide healing for families, regardless of age. For children, creating a memory box or writing a letter to their lost loved one. Other options may include:
- Crafting personalized keepsakes that reflect the loved one’s hobbies or favorite activities.
- Planting a tree or creating a special bench where your family, all ages included, can spend time reflecting.
- Preparing a shared meal that was the loved one’s favorite. These simple, tangible actions can help children feel more connected to the memory of their loved one.
2. Validate Their Feelings and Use Clear Language
Children may feel sadness, guilt, anger, or confusion, and it’s critical that adults acknowledge these emotions rather than diminish them. At James H. Cole we emphasize the importance of validating grief as a natural and non-linear process. For children, hearing adults say, “It’s okay to feel sad,” or “I know this is very hard,” can make a significant difference in how secure they feel while grieving.
3. Encourage Healthy Coping
Grief often impacts physical well-being, including sleep, appetite, and emotional health. Supporting children with healthy routines during this time can help them manage their loss:
- Encourage physical activity: Light exercise like walking or playing outside can help release built-up stress.
- Share nutritious meals: Like adults, children benefit from balanced meals that boost energy and offer a sense of normalcy.
- Provide quiet time and rest: Grief can be exhausting, and children may need additional sleep or alone time.
Remind children that it’s okay to have fun, laugh, or play while grieving—the healing process isn’t about suppressing emotions, but moving through them naturally.
4. Encourage Expression Through Activities
Not every child will feel comfortable talking about their grief, but expressing emotions creatively and tangibly can be equally healthy. Consider activities such as:
- Drawing or painting: Capturing their favorite memory of their loved one through art.
- Storytelling or writing: Crafting a story or letter about the person they’ve lost. This gives them a chance to express their emotions even if they’re unsure how to talk about them.
Additionally, rituals like lighting candles or organizing tribute spaces can help children feel involved in remembering their loved one. These tangible actions are especially helpful for making abstract feelings more manageable.
5. Provide Ongoing Comfort
Grief has no timeline. For children, this may mean they process their loss slowly or revisit their emotions during specific times of year, like holidays or anniversaries. It’s important to give individuals—adults and children alike—the space to embrace their emotions over time.
The holiday season or other significant moments may heighten feelings of loss, so finding meaningful ways to honor loved ones together as a family can help children feel included. Creating new traditions, like sharing stories or special meals in honor of the loved one, allows children to connect openly without feeling pressured to “move on.”
Honoring Multiple Losses
In cases where families have experienced multiple losses, children can feel especially overwhelmed. At James H. Cole we acknowledge this unique challenge, and the importance of allowing yourself—and your children—to experience grief in waves. Each relationship carries its own meaning, and grief for one loved one may feel different from that for another. This idea applies to children as well.
Encourage children to express their thoughts and feelings about each individual separately, whether through storytelling, letter-writing, or other personal tributes. Grieving doesn’t end after the funeral or memorial service. Make a continued effort to check in with children and offer opportunities to talk about their feelings, memories, or concerns.
Keep in mind that children might revisit their grief as they grow older and gain a deeper understanding of what loss means.
When Professional Support Is Needed
As children navigate their grief, some may experience prolonged struggles or changes in behavior that warrant support beyond the family. Grief counselors and support groups can be excellent options for helping children express themselves and cope with emotions they may not understand or know how to communicate. Look out for:
- Persistent sadness, anger, or anxiety that interferes with daily life.
- Withdrawal from family, friends, or activities they previously enjoyed
- Difficulty concentrating or declining performance in school.
- Regressing to behaviors they had outgrown, such as bedwetting or separation anxiety.
- Physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches without an apparent cause.
At James H. Cole, we recognize the value of professional assistance and can connect families to grief resources. If you notice these signs, programs like our Grief Support Group, facilitated by Hospice of Michigan, offer opportunities to talk openly within a group and learn strategies for healing.
Moving Forward
Helping children through grief isn’t about fixing the pain; it’s about providing the support, connection, and love they need while navigating their emotions. Integrating meaningful rituals, validating feelings, maintaining health, and encouraging creative expression can all contribute to their healing process, while professional resources can provide additional support when needed.
The grieving process takes time, but when approached with empathy, openness, and care, children can find comfort and hope amidst their loss. At James H. Cole, we are here to support families as they honor their loved ones and navigate the journey of healing.
To learn more or find support resources, contact us directly at 313-873-0771. Together, we can navigate grief and celebrate the lives that continue to impact us.
Posted in General Topics